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(audience laughs)Teenage Daughter: But daaa-aaaad, I want to dress like Britney Spears!All of those fish stick eating middle American family-types can tune in to watch, ostensibly to be reassured in their small-mindedness, which will allow dad to ogle the teenaged daughters with impunity. (audience members nod their empty heads in agreement)Dad: What’s this I found while I was digging through your purse, like a good Christian Dad? Teenage Daughter: How else am I supposed to do double anal? Teenage Daughter: Not everybody is like, some repressed Republican with a cock the size of a tube of lipstick dad! (audience laughs)Dad: Whatever happened to dressing like Gloria Swanson?!First of all, this whole thing neglects to take one important factor into consideration – girls are just as interested in sex as boys.In fact, it was my experience they were actually the aggressors.But as it turns out, the piece was a wonderful, grounded, common sense call to action for fathers to stop thinking of themselves as protectors of virginity, and start making sure our daughters have safe and meaningful sexual experiences.Throwing the words “daughter” and “sex” in the same sentence is vomit-inducing for many dads.

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Or, “8 Simple Things I Hate About Television”I heard on the Phil Hendrie show that the Networks are going conservative and nostalgic with their new line up due to 9-11. The Christian is the hot one, and she shouts scripture at whoever’s fucking her ugly sister.

He can laugh and say “see there, that’s the way to do things proper,” as he imagines spanking the young starlets with a bible while they blow him.

—-When I read the headline “Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Awesome Sex,” I cringed and steeled myself for massive amounts of outrage.

That leads to memes like this one that spell out the “rules” boys will have to follow. Unfortunately, even when it’s mentioned in jest, there are more than a few nuggets of truth when this subject is discussed in my online dad communities.

Which is confusing and slightly amazing to me, because it leaves me wondering how the dads who feel this way manage to avoid being crushed under the weight of all the irony.

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